Thy Kingdom Come-

It was probably last year, the same time when I called back Malaysia and said this to a friend

"If you ever get news that I am dead, he did it. Don't let him get away with murder and don't let him raise my kids."

I sit here now, wondering how I could have contemplated my own death. I was  resigned that it was the only way for me and nothing could be done. That was my life then, pretending  that it was "perfect". Every time he got angry of frustrated, I could see his hatred for me. It burned in his eyes blaming me for whatever that troubled, frustrated or ailed him. I was certainly the "culprit" of all his problems.  It was a  waiting game,  watching to see when the scale would tip over ........

Now? I can believe it.

That I am the number ONE factor that troubles him, that ails him, that torment him. How could his door mat soon to be ex-wife do this to him. He least expected me to have any gumption in fighting back. He must be in shock or in denial that this is even happening.

Six months after the restraining order trial, he is still a nasty piece of work, sending countless horrid emails, flooding my inbox till I gave up on the account, and subsequently filing two police reports. He flooded my attorney's inbox harassing and calling her names until she filed a police report also. He is relentless in his pursuit of happiness I suppose and resorted in texting my mom and calling her a WHORE.. a what ??? Awwww man,  how low can you go without making yourself look like an idiot ? If you think you are king, then stay there, in your perverse itty bitty kingdom before I put you in jail ..

Fly back to Romania and hide, if you dare.  Try to get ICE to deport me, I double dare you !!

And Yes, you heard me.  It will give me great pleasure to see you in Jail. For all the pain you have caused not only to me but to also your ex girlfriends whom I have kinship with. You know what you did wrong!! You seriously need your head examined and re-wired. And I am not afraid to utilize whatever means I have to seek justice. I have no wish for war but like a nasty annoying bug, you wont go away and now I have to swat you  !

I was so brainwashed into thinking that I was weak, I was stupid and I was unworthy. That life was just suppose to be this never ending nightmare. For years I hope and believed that things would get better, instead it got worse.  Even in August I doubted myself on the path I chose. I was so afraid that I was wrong in my choice. I kept thinking that maybe I was stupid, maybe I cannot decide.. so much maybe's over something that was black and white.

Here I stand today, a much more balanced person. Just being away from all that negative energy helps. I feel it seeping away, I imagine dark shadows just leaving me, allowing some light in. The road to recovery is not far, I am almost back to normal. I have regained much of my optimism and humor which he had branded immature. And some one very nicely describe me as "effervescent".  I can not imagined the reasons I had, to not be me and to not enjoy the life that God has given me.

Scheme....

The Plot thickens, dum dum dum........ stay tuned !!

whoaaaaaaaaa there

Nothing is more important than my kids. Nothing ... I will protect them with my life.

Although these past 6 months has been tough , I am so relieve . Phew... what a journey and a revelation.

I am strong and capable. I am fierce so hear me roar. I am not afraid and I am going to win it all. You hear that Chris, I am going to win. Watch out because you do not know what is coming at you. Be careful what you wish for, cause I think you will get it.

Since I know you are reading this as your girlfriend has quaintly introduced herself. I am glad that the truth is out there and that you cannot hide behind lies and pretensions...Keep digging your holes dude !!

I wonder why she wants to get in touch with me, must be some health issues she has .... btw, please practice safe sex. Its disgusting how you lead your life. Too la loooo.........

and P/S:

and P/S: Yes , you did financially provide for us  and that was all you gave of yourself, so keep doing it. Its not big deal right hahahahahahahaha. Enjoy life like I am right now :P

Dear Chris....

Dear Chris

You are an idiot... not only that, you are jerk too. I hope you wallow in your pit of misery forever.
Actually I do not. I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you can not imagine the damage you have created and I am sorry that I allowed you to do it to the kids. Even now...

You cancel on seeing them knowing that they were looking forward to see you. And you did it because you thought it would awaken me to see that the best thing was to get back together again ? Are you serious ? What madness is this ? You can't even handle them for an hour and you complain about it. you need help. Poor poor you, what a bad father you are. How inconsistent and how selfish you can be. To only think about yourself and not of them and their feelings at all. The children are better off without you ! They will learn to know that their father is never be there for them , not because he cannot but because he does not want to . What a pity , you are such a fool ! This is child developmental psychology 101. There is no attachment or bond between you and them, They do not rely only you emotionally nor do they think they can depend on you to provide them with any sort of stability. Again I say, you are delusional.

Go, and find your way then, lets see if it gets you anywhere. You would probably go on abusing some one else and some other children that you may or may not have. Too bad for them.

Life is good for us. We are happy and I am actually thankful that you do not want to see them. They do not need any memories of a retard dad. My children are going to be stronger without your dementia. They will know that I am their rock and their blanket when they need one.

For now, I will keep telling them that the dad is not well and he is too busy to see them. But when they are older ,  if asked I will not hesitate to tell the truth. They will need to know and do not worry, they will forgive you. My children will be beautiful souls who knows what is right and wrong. Not only that , they will be loving wonderful individuals who will respect and honor others. Why is that ? Because I believe that without you and with me as their role model, its just a recipe for success !!

So Good Luck ..... and God Bless you in your life's journey !!