Annie was talking to Grammy Alice when we were staying over there
"You know why we can't go home Grammy ???"
"Cause Tata threw mama into the trash can"
"And now Mama is playing HARD Ball..."
This what Alice told me, which initially made me laugh but eventually made me cry. No six year old should know things like this..
just too sad for words.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
How to deal....
I actually wish to extend and olive branch to him but I just don't think he will forgive me for putting him through this experience. I just wish that I could solve this matter in a peaceful manner , like talk it over and make plans for the kids . But somehow my intuition tells me that I cannot do that as he will see it as a sign of weakness and will try to demolish me in one big swipe. Plus, since I had dare gone against him, to be nice would only give him the chance to walk all over me. As I yo yo back and forth between trying to do good and reigning in my emotions, my logic takes over and tells me that "ahem, wrong move" or "don's be silly and feel sorry for him" "you need to be strong and don't forget ..."
But I just don't get it why its just so hard to get along for the sake of the children. I wish we could find a nice easy workable solution, one where he stays far away from me and one where he can see the kids if only he is supervised by a third party..now how is that for logic ???
Friday, August 27, 2010
To err is human , to forgive divine
Taken from the discussion board on "Ask A Catholic Priest"
Violence against women, inside or outside the home, is never justified. Violence in any form -physical, sexual, psychological, or verbal- is sinful; often, it is a crime as well. " (US Catholic Bishops, When I call for Help, 2002.) Thank you Father.
about an hour ago · Report
And unless it leaves marks,abuse could often be subtle and difficult to recognize and prove.
Karen Yin Chuan Hau My husband started abusing me verbally a long time ago, demeaning me and every single day I was called stupid and dumb. Seriously, my self esteem has take a huge hit . And really, I sometimes doubt my sanity and my choice in making the right decisions. Thank Goodness for the good Catholic neighbors who has been watching out for me and who has been telling me that I was not the one who was in the wrong.
As time went by, things were thrown and my belongings were broken. Before I knew it, he laid his hands on me, He was always very careful, a kick here and hit there. Not very often and sparse . So I really didn't know how to categorized where I was . I made so much allowances to his behavior that I kept pushing the boundaries of what I thought was right further and further away.
Until two weeks ago, when I was thrown into the trash can. Then I knew that enough was enough and it was time to just leave.
Yes, abuse is often very subtle and very difficult to recognized and prove. That I know for sure because I lived it. Thank you..
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Allegations made
"He" decided to press charges against me in retaliation and filed a police report saying that I
1. stole the car
2. stole money and
3. broke into his mom house
So this is my reply, first the car was always mine even though it was under his mom's name as he used his mom's credit to finance the car (even his car is under the mom's name) . And it is even covered in the restraining order that I was allowed to use the car.
Secondly, the money I allegedly "stole" happened like end of June and I did not steal it, I told him about it and I even returned to him half the amount...so really.
And breaking into his mom house. Give me a break ! He is staying there so its actually his place, I even have a lease agreement and told the sheriff (the same one who took my police report, the same one who arrested him and is now the same one who he called up to to instigate this !) that what he was doing was only to get back at me and into trouble. His grand scheme is to make sure I get arrested , lose my green card and deported back to Malaysia and also lose my kids. What kind of mental nutcase is this ?? Does he not think that he will make the kids suffer as I am the only parent they know ? Such selfishness amazes me. He just want to be able to strike back at me
O yes, back to the house issue, Sheriff Davenport informed me that since he was living at that house, everything in it is community property. Which is what is his, is mine until divided by court. Ta da... I LOVE CALIFORNIA LAWS..... what a fantastic state.
I later got in touch with Detective Grant after Sheriff Davenport gave and found out that "he" saw him and obviously tried to plead his case.
Its a weird sort of feeling knowing that I am the victim but yet he seems to act more like the victim and I seemed to have done him wrong hhmm,
The case is with the DA now and I am going to get help form the Shelter about turning that misdemeanor charge back into a felony. Since he has kind of declared war on me, I suppose I should stop being nice and just play it right and according to the law and not give him any lee way then.
Wish me luck, hope that my heart stay strong and my brain take charge for once instead.
1. stole the car
2. stole money and
3. broke into his mom house
So this is my reply, first the car was always mine even though it was under his mom's name as he used his mom's credit to finance the car (even his car is under the mom's name) . And it is even covered in the restraining order that I was allowed to use the car.
Secondly, the money I allegedly "stole" happened like end of June and I did not steal it, I told him about it and I even returned to him half the amount...so really.
And breaking into his mom house. Give me a break ! He is staying there so its actually his place, I even have a lease agreement and told the sheriff (the same one who took my police report, the same one who arrested him and is now the same one who he called up to to instigate this !) that what he was doing was only to get back at me and into trouble. His grand scheme is to make sure I get arrested , lose my green card and deported back to Malaysia and also lose my kids. What kind of mental nutcase is this ?? Does he not think that he will make the kids suffer as I am the only parent they know ? Such selfishness amazes me. He just want to be able to strike back at me
O yes, back to the house issue, Sheriff Davenport informed me that since he was living at that house, everything in it is community property. Which is what is his, is mine until divided by court. Ta da... I LOVE CALIFORNIA LAWS..... what a fantastic state.
I later got in touch with Detective Grant after Sheriff Davenport gave and found out that "he" saw him and obviously tried to plead his case.
Its a weird sort of feeling knowing that I am the victim but yet he seems to act more like the victim and I seemed to have done him wrong hhmm,
The case is with the DA now and I am going to get help form the Shelter about turning that misdemeanor charge back into a felony. Since he has kind of declared war on me, I suppose I should stop being nice and just play it right and according to the law and not give him any lee way then.
Wish me luck, hope that my heart stay strong and my brain take charge for once instead.
DV 102
Emergency Restraining Order on 13/8/2010 served and in effect for 5 days
Temporary Restraining Order 18/8/2010 and in effect for 25 days and will go to court on September 8th for get the permanent one (3 to 5 years)
Divorce - served on 20/8/2010 and will wait for him to response within 30 days. But entire process will be completed in 6 months. I cannot leave the state of CA until it is completed
So all in all, I am drowning in legal paperwork and running around getting things done is no joke.
So darn tired..... phew. Thank God for Marjaree Mason Center and Irene Zupko. God Bless them all.
but still can go berenang with the kids every evening after Annie completes her kerja rumah !!
Temporary Restraining Order 18/8/2010 and in effect for 25 days and will go to court on September 8th for get the permanent one (3 to 5 years)
Divorce - served on 20/8/2010 and will wait for him to response within 30 days. But entire process will be completed in 6 months. I cannot leave the state of CA until it is completed
So all in all, I am drowning in legal paperwork and running around getting things done is no joke.
So darn tired..... phew. Thank God for Marjaree Mason Center and Irene Zupko. God Bless them all.
but still can go berenang with the kids every evening after Annie completes her kerja rumah !!
Past bad behaviours
He was very verbally abusive. His manner abrupt and his moods swings unpredictable. One minute it was happy and the next minute a volcanic eruption and I could never figure out what trigger it.
He would claim stress as a major factor and my unwillingness to help him or assist him the way he wanted me to. Well, enough to say that these past 10 years has been the most informative I ever had.
I dont think I have ever cried so much in my entire life and I don't think anyone has thought so less of me and my efforts
To be called stupid, dumb, cunt , mother fucker every single day is actually a chore. To hear them from the one who claims he loves me is even worse. To even believe that he loves me is sick.
Day after day it was the same words , the same anger. I call him the "Happiness Sucker" cause he sure not happy to be around us.
If me and the kids were playing and getting rowdy, he would say that they had no discipline and I was behaving like an idiot. We would walk on eggshells hoping that we would not push his "anger" button and if he did explode, we would leave so that it would not be confrontational.
Things that he had done over the years...
1. Break Children toys
2. Broke my Nikon D80 and Canon G11
3. Made a hole in the bathroom door
4. Broke the bedroom door
5. Broke the lamp/s
6. Kicked us out of the house at midnight
7. Tried choking me
8. Twist my arm
9. Kick my thigh
I might have to update this about the timeline... hhmm let me think about it. I will have to review the videos and photos i got. I must be CLASS one dungu to have endured this all.
What was wrong with me aaaa ?????
Title typo...
I was actually trying to say KAREN gets shit on..but somehow like always, I typo and instead of that , I got Karen get shit one which sounds rather weird huh ?
However, the correct phrasing should have been "Karen gets her shit together " hahahaha...
In dire times like this, a sense of humour is always good to have a around. I cant stand feeling sorry for myself
However, the correct phrasing should have been "Karen gets her shit together " hahahaha...
In dire times like this, a sense of humour is always good to have a around. I cant stand feeling sorry for myself
Gila husband 101 pulak
Chris got charged, got booked and taken to jail for Domestic Violence on Friday the 13th.
The big joke about this is that his family ie mom and nephew expected me to bail him out of jail. They said it was my fault he was in it. Well duh, if he did not commit a crime he would not be in there the first place. I wonder if their brain is sorely lacking in some enzyme, their lack of logic astounds me.
And I had taken enough after all these years already ok !!!!
So they wanted me to post bail for him at 3k on Friday night. I did NOT. He got out that very night. However they still had the guts to send me text messages the next day saying that he was still in jail and needed the money to get him out. And to the person who told me not to do it, a BIG BIG THANK YOU yeah !!!!! I was feeling so guilty over his arrest.
When I told them that he was already out, I was asked if I was sure ????!!! The VINE program for Domestic Violence Victims rocks, they let you know when the agressors are OUT alright.
So tolong sikit man......
The big joke about this is that his family ie mom and nephew expected me to bail him out of jail. They said it was my fault he was in it. Well duh, if he did not commit a crime he would not be in there the first place. I wonder if their brain is sorely lacking in some enzyme, their lack of logic astounds me.
And I had taken enough after all these years already ok !!!!
So they wanted me to post bail for him at 3k on Friday night. I did NOT. He got out that very night. However they still had the guts to send me text messages the next day saying that he was still in jail and needed the money to get him out. And to the person who told me not to do it, a BIG BIG THANK YOU yeah !!!!! I was feeling so guilty over his arrest.
When I told them that he was already out, I was asked if I was sure ????!!! The VINE program for Domestic Violence Victims rocks, they let you know when the agressors are OUT alright.
So tolong sikit man......
POLIS 101 no
ok here is the deal
Chris was suppose to be charged with felony for the trash can incident. However he got charged with a misdemeanor instead. Why ? Because he has a nephew who so called "witnessed" the whole incident.
Eddie was initially there when the argument started. Then the house ringed... and he went in to pick it up and he carried Mei with him. It was his grandmother obviously , I called her up earlier while I was in the truck telling her what her no good son was up too and we got cut off.
So Eddie essentially was not there when the main event happened.
However the boy told the sheriff that his uncle gently put me into the trash can and the bruises were caused by me as I was trying to get out. What a load of first grade crap kan ?
So, the Sheriff bought that wonderful fairy tale and obviously Chris must have smoozed himself as the good guy (huh ? hello ????? I AM THE VICTIM here ok !!!) and Chris only got charged with like a nothing.
makes me wonder why ???? hhhhmmmmm
Chris was suppose to be charged with felony for the trash can incident. However he got charged with a misdemeanor instead. Why ? Because he has a nephew who so called "witnessed" the whole incident.
Eddie was initially there when the argument started. Then the house ringed... and he went in to pick it up and he carried Mei with him. It was his grandmother obviously , I called her up earlier while I was in the truck telling her what her no good son was up too and we got cut off.
So Eddie essentially was not there when the main event happened.
However the boy told the sheriff that his uncle gently put me into the trash can and the bruises were caused by me as I was trying to get out. What a load of first grade crap kan ?
So, the Sheriff bought that wonderful fairy tale and obviously Chris must have smoozed himself as the good guy (huh ? hello ????? I AM THE VICTIM here ok !!!) and Chris only got charged with like a nothing.
makes me wonder why ???? hhhhmmmmm
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
THANKS, thanks and more thanks
I am very very thankful for all the prayers and all the love I feel from far and near. I am eternally grateful for the assistance and help and support I have received. I shall not name names but you know who you are.
Family, Friends....
Without your support and strength and advise, I would not have had the courage to do this. Without your intervention and guidance, I would not have had the guts to charge forth with gumption. without your insights, I would not have seen clearly. Its truly the Lord's way in sending me angels !!!
Thank you for believing in me and thank you for being there..
The road in front of me is long but a whole lot brighter.
Family, Friends....
Without your support and strength and advise, I would not have had the courage to do this. Without your intervention and guidance, I would not have had the guts to charge forth with gumption. without your insights, I would not have seen clearly. Its truly the Lord's way in sending me angels !!!
Thank you for believing in me and thank you for being there..
The road in front of me is long but a whole lot brighter.
Domestic Violence 101
Its been 2 weeks since Chris threw me into the trash can along with Titi. I have since left home, sought help from the shelter, made a police report about the incident and filed for a temporary restraining order. That was the 9th of August.
It has so far been a real traumatic journey not only for me but also for the children. The canker sores that I had from the beginning has not wan off during this entire episode, sticking to me, reminding of the stress I am going through.
And now, I can finally break my silence blogging it away as much as I want as my mom will be here and I can finally tell her myself the nightmare I have been going through. I had to shut my mouth as I didn't want to alarm her and didn't not want her frantic over this unfortunate episode. So as I write this, she is on the plane, thankfully oblivious to the real situation.
I need all the moral support I can garner at this point of time and it will be so comforting to have my mother around wrapping me and surrounding me with positivity and love.
Back to my sad story, it was circa 10.30am when I went into Chris's truck and looked for the camera. Once found, I turned it on only to see pictures and photos of him and some girl taking a vacation together. The obvious course of action for me was to confront him and so I did. What took me by surprise was not him denying anything but to tell me that I was invading his privacy and that I was harassing the girl, and she would get a restraining order on me. Practically, bla, bla and more bla.
He then took the SD card from the camera and shoved the camera to me and went to take his shower. I went back into the truck and pulled out his mac and found a flight itinerary for the girl arriving the very same day and returning to San Marcos, Texas on the 13th. Darn it I was so mad, I didn't even see her name. I think I must have been spewing steam out of my eyes and ears.
When he caught me snooping on his mac, he got even madder and more hostile. I rattled him even more when I asked to speak to her as he kept insisting they were only friends... tahi ayam right ? So as I sat there with my son on my lap playing with the steering wheel, Chris promptly picked me up and straight buang me in the trash can ....
I was yelling help help and help and Titi was screaming and crying. And poor Annie who was trying to help me..got nudge away in the process. My poor children. I got so mad and so angry not at him but at myself.
I was a terrible mom, I had allowed this madness to get to my children and they were getting the brunt of it, Wasn't it enough that they had to hear every slur that came out of his mouth and deal with his mean personality ? I had a choice but they did not. It was time to act and time for me to be a real mom.
I packed the trunk full and went straight to the shelter. They promptly told me to find a safe spot and to return on Thursday to deal with the restraining order. The kids and I slept in a hotel for two nights and we went to Alice house on Wednesday night. Although I knew that Chris was out of town, that house will never be our home anymore. There was no turning back. My system was in shock over the whole ordeal and went to bed that night feeling sore all over. Even Titi was stressed out, tossing and waking up looking for me to comfort him. It was a bad night.
I did not want to file a police report against him as my intentions were not to get him into trouble. But following my emotions only makes me a wimp and I am no wimp, well not any more that is. He needs to know what he did was wrong and that he cannot think that he is above the law. Not only that, I worried about the kick back effect and was afraid of retaliations on his part
However, truth be told the old karen would have have kicked this crappy male to the curb a long time ago . I wonder what took me so long to wake up. I thought it was best for the children but now I realised that whats best for them is to be OUT of this toxic situation and only I could do that for them since they could not themselves.
As in the case of OJ Simpson who was slowly killing Nicole Simpson over time before she finally died. It was the same for me. Only I am still alive and I can make a difference.
It has so far been a real traumatic journey not only for me but also for the children. The canker sores that I had from the beginning has not wan off during this entire episode, sticking to me, reminding of the stress I am going through.
And now, I can finally break my silence blogging it away as much as I want as my mom will be here and I can finally tell her myself the nightmare I have been going through. I had to shut my mouth as I didn't want to alarm her and didn't not want her frantic over this unfortunate episode. So as I write this, she is on the plane, thankfully oblivious to the real situation.
I need all the moral support I can garner at this point of time and it will be so comforting to have my mother around wrapping me and surrounding me with positivity and love.
Back to my sad story, it was circa 10.30am when I went into Chris's truck and looked for the camera. Once found, I turned it on only to see pictures and photos of him and some girl taking a vacation together. The obvious course of action for me was to confront him and so I did. What took me by surprise was not him denying anything but to tell me that I was invading his privacy and that I was harassing the girl, and she would get a restraining order on me. Practically, bla, bla and more bla.
He then took the SD card from the camera and shoved the camera to me and went to take his shower. I went back into the truck and pulled out his mac and found a flight itinerary for the girl arriving the very same day and returning to San Marcos, Texas on the 13th. Darn it I was so mad, I didn't even see her name. I think I must have been spewing steam out of my eyes and ears.
When he caught me snooping on his mac, he got even madder and more hostile. I rattled him even more when I asked to speak to her as he kept insisting they were only friends... tahi ayam right ? So as I sat there with my son on my lap playing with the steering wheel, Chris promptly picked me up and straight buang me in the trash can ....
I was yelling help help and help and Titi was screaming and crying. And poor Annie who was trying to help me..got nudge away in the process. My poor children. I got so mad and so angry not at him but at myself.
I was a terrible mom, I had allowed this madness to get to my children and they were getting the brunt of it, Wasn't it enough that they had to hear every slur that came out of his mouth and deal with his mean personality ? I had a choice but they did not. It was time to act and time for me to be a real mom.
I packed the trunk full and went straight to the shelter. They promptly told me to find a safe spot and to return on Thursday to deal with the restraining order. The kids and I slept in a hotel for two nights and we went to Alice house on Wednesday night. Although I knew that Chris was out of town, that house will never be our home anymore. There was no turning back. My system was in shock over the whole ordeal and went to bed that night feeling sore all over. Even Titi was stressed out, tossing and waking up looking for me to comfort him. It was a bad night.
I did not want to file a police report against him as my intentions were not to get him into trouble. But following my emotions only makes me a wimp and I am no wimp, well not any more that is. He needs to know what he did was wrong and that he cannot think that he is above the law. Not only that, I worried about the kick back effect and was afraid of retaliations on his part
However, truth be told the old karen would have have kicked this crappy male to the curb a long time ago . I wonder what took me so long to wake up. I thought it was best for the children but now I realised that whats best for them is to be OUT of this toxic situation and only I could do that for them since they could not themselves.
As in the case of OJ Simpson who was slowly killing Nicole Simpson over time before she finally died. It was the same for me. Only I am still alive and I can make a difference.
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