nice right.....
Friday, September 24, 2010
Three lil effers
He called Alice and said he wanted some advise cause he did not have a mom. He wanted to ask her what he should do about his three little effers......
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Death Threats
It was made mid July 2010
I was folding the laundry in the guest bedroom, the kids were with Eddie out in the living area. He came into the room, close the door and said menacingly "I will beat you within the inch of your life, you have taken years from my life and now you owe me. You can run back to Malaysia and hide but I will find you and administer this punishment"
He was not shouting. Just said that quietly and walked out.
I started sobbing.
I was folding the laundry in the guest bedroom, the kids were with Eddie out in the living area. He came into the room, close the door and said menacingly "I will beat you within the inch of your life, you have taken years from my life and now you owe me. You can run back to Malaysia and hide but I will find you and administer this punishment"
He was not shouting. Just said that quietly and walked out.
I started sobbing.
Pajamas
He woke me up at 5am to make him coffee. I got up from the bed and made it, leaving the two kids asleep.
Annie was already three and Titi was probably a little over six months.
I made the coffee and went back into bed, I heard Titi waking up. I also locked the room door as a precaution.
I started breast feeding the baby when I heard him shouting and cursing outside. Before long he came knocking on the door and when he realised the door was locked, he broke it down.
He came towards me and the sleeping kids with anger, shouting and screaming at me.
I have long forgotten the words but not the incident. He woke the kids up and they were crying. He was just looking down on me cursing me out. I am sure I told him to leave me alone and to stop his tirade but he did not.
What I said inflamed him more, he then started clawing at me and tore my pajama pants, literally ripping it to bits.
I think he left after that , I can not recall now.
I also took the kids out via the french door in the bedroom and left the house.
Monday, September 20, 2010
COURT RULING
Today was a good day and am very blessed . Thanks YOU all for the prayers, kind thoughts and positive advice given to me.
The Judge gave a three year restraining order to me (can be re-newed !!) and full physical and legal custody of the children. I am not allowed to change the country they reside in, which is ok ! As long as they get to cuti cuti heheh.
It was rather nerve racking sitting court today. The Judge very se-lam-ba only . Already know I so was anxious, she still took her time to see other cases and clearing her court before calling us. I am just thinking that she did it because she did not want too many audience around us. I might have squeeze my advocate's hands too tight and had sweaty palms too.
When we sat at the counsel table, he was not around. He was in and out and pacing the hallway and went out to smoke too I am guessing. The judge waited for like a second and then just went on the record. She said she found evidence of Domestic Abuse present and in the past. She said the horrific pictures of the bruises were clear evidence and it did not matter if it was cause by me being thrown in the trash can or whether he closed the door on me.
It was short !!!
Which was unlike her because she usually gives a long narration explaining her decisions.
I sat down and waited for my paperwork to be completed. Then I got escorted out again by the deputy. This time they took me out the back way, 5 minutes earlier too before giving him the papers, just in case he gets mad and went looking for me. PHeW.. there were three deputies in the same courtroom with us, biasanya only satu only but because of him aaaaa.... we got banyak. Make me even more nervous...
I am glad this crucial part is over.
I am glad that me and the children are together which is the most important part
However a piece of paper cannot keep me safe.
I will have to watch out for retaliation and revenge which is making me nervous.
Now to mediation to customised the visitations, then child support , spousal support... and divorce in the end.. another 5 more months to go
The Judge gave a three year restraining order to me (can be re-newed !!) and full physical and legal custody of the children. I am not allowed to change the country they reside in, which is ok ! As long as they get to cuti cuti heheh.
It was rather nerve racking sitting court today. The Judge very se-lam-ba only . Already know I so was anxious, she still took her time to see other cases and clearing her court before calling us. I am just thinking that she did it because she did not want too many audience around us. I might have squeeze my advocate's hands too tight and had sweaty palms too.
When we sat at the counsel table, he was not around. He was in and out and pacing the hallway and went out to smoke too I am guessing. The judge waited for like a second and then just went on the record. She said she found evidence of Domestic Abuse present and in the past. She said the horrific pictures of the bruises were clear evidence and it did not matter if it was cause by me being thrown in the trash can or whether he closed the door on me.
It was short !!!
Which was unlike her because she usually gives a long narration explaining her decisions.
I sat down and waited for my paperwork to be completed. Then I got escorted out again by the deputy. This time they took me out the back way, 5 minutes earlier too before giving him the papers, just in case he gets mad and went looking for me. PHeW.. there were three deputies in the same courtroom with us, biasanya only satu only but because of him aaaaa.... we got banyak. Make me even more nervous...
I am glad this crucial part is over.
I am glad that me and the children are together which is the most important part
However a piece of paper cannot keep me safe.
I will have to watch out for retaliation and revenge which is making me nervous.
Now to mediation to customised the visitations, then child support , spousal support... and divorce in the end.. another 5 more months to go
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
eddie's testimomy
I am very sad to write this but it needs to be said.
Eddie whom I have brought up like a son, has become the "anak derhaka" in this case.
So melodrama kan ?
Today Eddie claims that I slapped him on numerous occasion.
He claims that I abuse the kids and Chris does not.
He claims that I stole money and that he saw the trash can incident before going into the house to pick the phone up.
He claims that Chris did not abuse him. He claims that they throw things at each other all the time !
Like ping pong paddles, tennis rackets and ahem darts too)
He claims that Chris threatened me but cannot recall what was said.
He claims that Chris slapped him... but refuses to go further. He claims that Chris had punched him before but not close fisted. (ca u punch any other way ?)
He claims that Chris broke his laptop because he spent too many hours on it and it was slow.
(I think not, it was a new sony vaio that cost the grandmother 1.8k )
He also claims that He moved back down to LA because I was not there anymore.
Now that is the funny thing to say, is it not ?
That the reason for him moving back to LA was because I was no longer around !
Why would he want to be around me if I was such a maniacal tyrant who abused him right ?
And if he did see me kena buang in the tong sampah, how come he did not come and help me out ? And instead went into the house to answer a phone call ????
I dont know why Eddie twisted the events and why he had lied but I am sure it was a matter of survival for him. So I forgive him and hope he will learn to live with his mistakes and lay in the bed he has made for himself. Kesian.....
Eddie whom I have brought up like a son, has become the "anak derhaka" in this case.
So melodrama kan ?
Today Eddie claims that I slapped him on numerous occasion.
He claims that I abuse the kids and Chris does not.
He claims that I stole money and that he saw the trash can incident before going into the house to pick the phone up.
He claims that Chris did not abuse him. He claims that they throw things at each other all the time !
Like ping pong paddles, tennis rackets and ahem darts too)
He claims that Chris threatened me but cannot recall what was said.
He claims that Chris slapped him... but refuses to go further. He claims that Chris had punched him before but not close fisted. (ca u punch any other way ?)
He claims that Chris broke his laptop because he spent too many hours on it and it was slow.
(I think not, it was a new sony vaio that cost the grandmother 1.8k )
He also claims that He moved back down to LA because I was not there anymore.
Now that is the funny thing to say, is it not ?
That the reason for him moving back to LA was because I was no longer around !
Why would he want to be around me if I was such a maniacal tyrant who abused him right ?
And if he did see me kena buang in the tong sampah, how come he did not come and help me out ? And instead went into the house to answer a phone call ????
I dont know why Eddie twisted the events and why he had lied but I am sure it was a matter of survival for him. So I forgive him and hope he will learn to live with his mistakes and lay in the bed he has made for himself. Kesian.....
Restraining Order Court Hearing is over.
Today is finally the last day we will go to court and testify. The court ruling will be on Monday 8.45am.
All testimonies and evidence has been given and both parties has said their piece. I am trying to be objective without getting overly emotional as it was a tiring experience. I always seem to start the mornings with a headache and go home with one too, only to sleep and dream about the proceedings and waking up going through the same motion again.
I have a wonderful attorney who is full of spark and energy. She is witty, funny and a big comfort to me. She however made me re-live every single agonising moment of the ordeal and the abusive nature of the relationship. She was very tough on me and I am glad that she did her job well.
I also have an advocate who sits with me through the proceedings from the Marjaree Mason Center. She holds my hands when I have to answer the questions pelted at me. Many a times, I was questioned about my mental stability because I needed her there. Many a times also, I was questioned if I was obtaining my answers from the advocate.
Let me be clear, the advocate is sent by the center to help DV victims especially when they have to face their aggressor. The victims would feel intimidated and often do not have the courage to voice out or elaborate their answers, thus not giving a true and complete testimony. My advocate was there to remind me to stay calm and to focus on my answers, trying to tell it as truthfully as I could to the best of my ability.
Making my testimony was hard work. Listening to others was harder.
It always is such a juxtaposition in matters like this. I say I was being abuse. He would say I was the abuser. I say he was screaming and yelling at me, he says that it was mutual. I say that he was mean and abusive to the kids, he says I was meaner and worse. Seems to me no matter what I testified, he said it better and fiercer and most definitely louder than me. If I cried because I remember being tormented by him, he cries even better because I took the children away form him. I simply do not know if it was play acting and I won't speculate but I must say I was most impressed with his efforts to demoralise me, to assassinate my character and to insinuate that I was this mad raging woman who had no control what so ever.
It does pains me to be painted that way but I suppose this comes with the territory when I decided to obtain this restraining order on him. He wanted to settle and obtain mutual restraining order on me and him, I applaud his smart tactics but I must decline. I do not need him near the children without being supervised by a third party. I am afraid he would kidnap the kids and take them to Romania as I heard from a good source that it was the intended plan once he got them unsupervised. I know he would be out for revenge and the only way to hurt me would be through the children. He has already made police report against me and has tried to get me into trouble. He also made threats through my attorney and shouted very loudly at the court hallway that I would never be an American citizen and he would get me into trouble. He also ahem said he would never harm the mother of his children (so why the threats and the menacing persona ?)
He also made claims that he loved his wife and family and would like the court to order us for marriage counselling before anything else.
This to me is preposterous. During our marriage, he made no effort to spend time with his children, I think I could safely say it was 10 minutes a day if any at all and when he was around, it was always in an angry tense environment. The kids and I were on standby to get out of the house once he erupted like one of those live volcanoes. He was not courteous to me. He was not respectful to me nor was he ever considerate to me. In fact, I did once said let's go to counselling but he would not partake in it, stating that the problems in our marriage was on me. So I really have no idea what is going one with this one ..
I do not know how he sees himself as a good father or husband if the only thing he ever did well was providing the finances and nothing else. His main argument all this time was that I took money from him, money that was meant for the bills and that I stole it. His claims of having no money and not paying the bills is another statement which I find so many holes in it. One minute cakap takde duit, next minute boasting he bought Eddie two new laptops for the ones he had broken. Not just any laptop ok, dua Mac probook alright.. hehehe
Let me elaborate..
Two days ago, Eddie was left at the greyhound bus station and my sis in law went to pick him up . She noticed red marks on his face. Apparently, Eddie got into an argument about the hearing. Apparently Eddie did not want to testify and he was coaching Eddie on what to say, so he got mad- hit the boy and broke his laptop too in the process and was sent away. Within 24 hours, the boy was back in town..why ? cause he had to take the stand to testify against me. He has a new laptop now and he came back to pack up the rest of his belongings. I see this as bribery and blackmail but that is just my opinion and no one else. Whether this story is true or not, I cannot verify as it was heresay.
In the end, I left the court (with my trusty police escort) feeling a little elated that no one needs to take the stand anymore but now I have to start biting my nails, waiting for MONDAY MORNING... the not knowing and the uncertainty is tormenting me. I pray that the judge will see through the lies and look for the truth in case. That is all I ask for and nothing more.
To keep me and my children out of harm's way ! Amen.
All testimonies and evidence has been given and both parties has said their piece. I am trying to be objective without getting overly emotional as it was a tiring experience. I always seem to start the mornings with a headache and go home with one too, only to sleep and dream about the proceedings and waking up going through the same motion again.
I have a wonderful attorney who is full of spark and energy. She is witty, funny and a big comfort to me. She however made me re-live every single agonising moment of the ordeal and the abusive nature of the relationship. She was very tough on me and I am glad that she did her job well.
I also have an advocate who sits with me through the proceedings from the Marjaree Mason Center. She holds my hands when I have to answer the questions pelted at me. Many a times, I was questioned about my mental stability because I needed her there. Many a times also, I was questioned if I was obtaining my answers from the advocate.
Let me be clear, the advocate is sent by the center to help DV victims especially when they have to face their aggressor. The victims would feel intimidated and often do not have the courage to voice out or elaborate their answers, thus not giving a true and complete testimony. My advocate was there to remind me to stay calm and to focus on my answers, trying to tell it as truthfully as I could to the best of my ability.
Making my testimony was hard work. Listening to others was harder.
It always is such a juxtaposition in matters like this. I say I was being abuse. He would say I was the abuser. I say he was screaming and yelling at me, he says that it was mutual. I say that he was mean and abusive to the kids, he says I was meaner and worse. Seems to me no matter what I testified, he said it better and fiercer and most definitely louder than me. If I cried because I remember being tormented by him, he cries even better because I took the children away form him. I simply do not know if it was play acting and I won't speculate but I must say I was most impressed with his efforts to demoralise me, to assassinate my character and to insinuate that I was this mad raging woman who had no control what so ever.
It does pains me to be painted that way but I suppose this comes with the territory when I decided to obtain this restraining order on him. He wanted to settle and obtain mutual restraining order on me and him, I applaud his smart tactics but I must decline. I do not need him near the children without being supervised by a third party. I am afraid he would kidnap the kids and take them to Romania as I heard from a good source that it was the intended plan once he got them unsupervised. I know he would be out for revenge and the only way to hurt me would be through the children. He has already made police report against me and has tried to get me into trouble. He also made threats through my attorney and shouted very loudly at the court hallway that I would never be an American citizen and he would get me into trouble. He also ahem said he would never harm the mother of his children (so why the threats and the menacing persona ?)
He also made claims that he loved his wife and family and would like the court to order us for marriage counselling before anything else.
This to me is preposterous. During our marriage, he made no effort to spend time with his children, I think I could safely say it was 10 minutes a day if any at all and when he was around, it was always in an angry tense environment. The kids and I were on standby to get out of the house once he erupted like one of those live volcanoes. He was not courteous to me. He was not respectful to me nor was he ever considerate to me. In fact, I did once said let's go to counselling but he would not partake in it, stating that the problems in our marriage was on me. So I really have no idea what is going one with this one ..
I do not know how he sees himself as a good father or husband if the only thing he ever did well was providing the finances and nothing else. His main argument all this time was that I took money from him, money that was meant for the bills and that I stole it. His claims of having no money and not paying the bills is another statement which I find so many holes in it. One minute cakap takde duit, next minute boasting he bought Eddie two new laptops for the ones he had broken. Not just any laptop ok, dua Mac probook alright.. hehehe
Let me elaborate..
Two days ago, Eddie was left at the greyhound bus station and my sis in law went to pick him up . She noticed red marks on his face. Apparently, Eddie got into an argument about the hearing. Apparently Eddie did not want to testify and he was coaching Eddie on what to say, so he got mad- hit the boy and broke his laptop too in the process and was sent away. Within 24 hours, the boy was back in town..why ? cause he had to take the stand to testify against me. He has a new laptop now and he came back to pack up the rest of his belongings. I see this as bribery and blackmail but that is just my opinion and no one else. Whether this story is true or not, I cannot verify as it was heresay.
In the end, I left the court (with my trusty police escort) feeling a little elated that no one needs to take the stand anymore but now I have to start biting my nails, waiting for MONDAY MORNING... the not knowing and the uncertainty is tormenting me. I pray that the judge will see through the lies and look for the truth in case. That is all I ask for and nothing more.
To keep me and my children out of harm's way ! Amen.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Door Close Shut
We were going to sleep. Titi heard a door shut loudly, he whispers loudly, "Is Tata coming to get us ?"
I said , "No, he isn't, we are safe" Then Titi said, "Is he walking up the steps ?" I had to say again, "No son, he cant get us cause we are safe ok "
Sad kan..
I said , "No, he isn't, we are safe" Then Titi said, "Is he walking up the steps ?" I had to say again, "No son, he cant get us cause we are safe ok "
Sad kan..
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Empowerment...
Its good to feel good about myself. Its good to know that I am not as stupid as often as I have been called. After taking the stand for two days, I had strangers coming up to me offering me hugs and giving me advice.
But as I sat on the court audience bench and listened to what others had gone through, I felt entitled to my anger, my shame and my regrets
I do feel like somehow I was dead and has been re born again, like a phoenix rising form the ashes you know. And though I made a lot of mistakes over the years, I acknowledge it and hope to move on to better things. My only dearest wish is to reverse the effects on my children.
Lets hope the restraining order hearing will be over soon...and move on to the other one :P
But as I sat on the court audience bench and listened to what others had gone through, I felt entitled to my anger, my shame and my regrets
I do feel like somehow I was dead and has been re born again, like a phoenix rising form the ashes you know. And though I made a lot of mistakes over the years, I acknowledge it and hope to move on to better things. My only dearest wish is to reverse the effects on my children.
Lets hope the restraining order hearing will be over soon...and move on to the other one :P
Friday, September 10, 2010
Court....
I don't know if I can say much about the procedure and I don't think I can discuss it until its over because of the other witnesses. What I can say though is that it started on Wed 8.30am and continued to the day after and Friday too. We are not finished yet, we get back in there on Thursday with me on the witness stand once again.
Its been tiring, emotionally draining and pure mental torture. I am not kidding. Being blasted with questions one after another is simply not my idea of fun. But I suppose as long as I have my eye set on the safety of my kids, I am willing to go through this.
Phew..
Its been tiring, emotionally draining and pure mental torture. I am not kidding. Being blasted with questions one after another is simply not my idea of fun. But I suppose as long as I have my eye set on the safety of my kids, I am willing to go through this.
Phew..
Monday, September 6, 2010
The Story so far
Chris has an attorney. Trust him to try to con another woman in to believing his half baked lies and his concocted stories.
But the whopper of the his reply is that :-
1. I am the ABUSER and he was trying to get away
2. The reason he put me into the trash can was that so he had time to get away
3. I was jealous of his affairs and was kicking and hitting him
4. I got the bruises from trying to climb on him in the car while he was trying to close the door
5. that I called him 27 times to verbally abuse him.. I did call but only to ask what he thought I was suppose to do with him leaving me high and dry treating me and Titi like rubbish.
He is making me feel like a class one idiot and makes me seems crazy.
I dont know if I have the strength to fight this.
Its just killing me that he can twist and manipulate the situation to his advantage.
I am just a wreck...
But the whopper of the his reply is that :-
1. I am the ABUSER and he was trying to get away
2. The reason he put me into the trash can was that so he had time to get away
3. I was jealous of his affairs and was kicking and hitting him
4. I got the bruises from trying to climb on him in the car while he was trying to close the door
5. that I called him 27 times to verbally abuse him.. I did call but only to ask what he thought I was suppose to do with him leaving me high and dry treating me and Titi like rubbish.
He is making me feel like a class one idiot and makes me seems crazy.
I dont know if I have the strength to fight this.
Its just killing me that he can twist and manipulate the situation to his advantage.
I am just a wreck...
Thursday, September 2, 2010
FYI
Yesterday I met up with an attorney whom I think could take him on. I am fairly certain he would have his own attorney but knowing his outwardly charming manners, I am afraid that everyone would buy into that facade. So, I think that getting myself one would be a good idea since I am not a charmer and I do not wish to look stupid either.
Today, I spoke with the people at the shelter who told me that the criminal charges against him is now a felony ! Apparently, they called Detective Foster up after talking to me and queried him about it. They also assigned an advocate to go with me on 8th September to court and briefed me on what to expect from the restraining order hearing.
I am praying that I will be able to calm and composed and not rattled and scared. I pray that I don't feel intimidated either as I am suppose to sit at the same table with him in front of the judge with some one in between us. The Judge will ask us both questions. So, depending on whether he has an attorney with him, I might ask for a continuance or perhaps he will ask for one. I simply do not know.
My wonderful family and friends will be praying for me and I am eternally grateful to them. God Bless them all.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
more from the discussion board.....
last Thursday · Report
Its a good distinction to makethat the Catholic Church has never been against divorce for the sake of protecting life, or even for less dire reasons, but rather only against divorce for the sake of remarriage. Divorced Catholics ought to be in no way stigmatize, its only those who remarry that dishonor their sacred promise to love until death.
Karen might be getting a restraining order and civil divorce, but she still must love her husband, even if she never sees him again, for the rest of her life. By abusing her, Karen't husband dishonored his sacred promise to love, and sinned, endangering his immortal soul as well as her happiness. Leaving him is, in fact, part of that love, because in doing so she is preventing him from sinning!
Ask A Catholic Priest We are made to love, even in the face of evil, even in the face of sin, even in the face of heartache and pain. Thats it. Our God who loves us made us to love. The world is what it is because people fail to love. What you have to ask your self is this: is the solution to respond by loving more or less?
last Thursday · Report
Love doesn't mean allowing yourself to get beat up, but it does mean never giving up on someone, even when they hurt you. Its scarey for us to even think about loving like this--thats why Jesus did it first for us from the Cross. The Cross is the standard of our Christian Faith!
Karen Yin Chuan Hau Father, I suppose that is the reason why I had endured all these years because I thought it was God's plan for me to teach him a new way and hope that in love he would change but instead of learning right from wrong, he became a monster always pushing the limit and knowing that I would still just stay.
last Thursday ·
I agree that I will love him for the rest of my life as he is the father of my children and that only God's grace can help him as i certainly cannot.
And to re-marry or not ? I think as a mother to three beautiful children I am very very wary of the other kind of monsters that lurk out there.
FYI, my husband does not believe in God and we only had a civil marriage and not a church one. So technically speaking was i living in sin then ?? hahah
Only God knows the answer . What say you Father ?
Ask A Catholic Priest @ Karen--There can only be a Sacramental Marriage between Christians, so while you should have sought the Bishop's permission to marry your husband one way or the other you would not be bound to him by the indisolubility of the sacrament. This means you are free to marry (in the Church) all you need is to ask for a decree of nullity, which in your case is a formality.
on Friday · Report
I think it is beautiful that you were trying to save his soul. You probably shouldn't have allowed him to abuse you for so long, but it was truly noble, if not morally necessary, for you to try to make it work for so long. You should still do all you can to love him by praying for him! Thank God for good gifts He gave you through your bad marriage: the strength you learned and for the beautiful children He gave you! And don't be afraid to love again! Just make sure you pray to God about what He wants for your future! God Bless you, I am keeping you and your children in prayer!
Karen Yin Chuan Hau THank you Father ..but I am now in a happy place with my children and only hope to be the best mother I can be. Please pray that I am able to care and provide for them and that they will overcome this episode to have a normal happy childhood. I want them to be strong.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Hard BAll
Annie was talking to Grammy Alice when we were staying over there
"You know why we can't go home Grammy ???"
"Cause Tata threw mama into the trash can"
"And now Mama is playing HARD Ball..."
This what Alice told me, which initially made me laugh but eventually made me cry. No six year old should know things like this..
just too sad for words.
"You know why we can't go home Grammy ???"
"Cause Tata threw mama into the trash can"
"And now Mama is playing HARD Ball..."
This what Alice told me, which initially made me laugh but eventually made me cry. No six year old should know things like this..
just too sad for words.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
How to deal....
I actually wish to extend and olive branch to him but I just don't think he will forgive me for putting him through this experience. I just wish that I could solve this matter in a peaceful manner , like talk it over and make plans for the kids . But somehow my intuition tells me that I cannot do that as he will see it as a sign of weakness and will try to demolish me in one big swipe. Plus, since I had dare gone against him, to be nice would only give him the chance to walk all over me. As I yo yo back and forth between trying to do good and reigning in my emotions, my logic takes over and tells me that "ahem, wrong move" or "don's be silly and feel sorry for him" "you need to be strong and don't forget ..."
But I just don't get it why its just so hard to get along for the sake of the children. I wish we could find a nice easy workable solution, one where he stays far away from me and one where he can see the kids if only he is supervised by a third party..now how is that for logic ???
Friday, August 27, 2010
To err is human , to forgive divine
Taken from the discussion board on "Ask A Catholic Priest"
Violence against women, inside or outside the home, is never justified. Violence in any form -physical, sexual, psychological, or verbal- is sinful; often, it is a crime as well. " (US Catholic Bishops, When I call for Help, 2002.) Thank you Father.
about an hour ago · Report
And unless it leaves marks,abuse could often be subtle and difficult to recognize and prove.
Karen Yin Chuan Hau My husband started abusing me verbally a long time ago, demeaning me and every single day I was called stupid and dumb. Seriously, my self esteem has take a huge hit . And really, I sometimes doubt my sanity and my choice in making the right decisions. Thank Goodness for the good Catholic neighbors who has been watching out for me and who has been telling me that I was not the one who was in the wrong.
As time went by, things were thrown and my belongings were broken. Before I knew it, he laid his hands on me, He was always very careful, a kick here and hit there. Not very often and sparse . So I really didn't know how to categorized where I was . I made so much allowances to his behavior that I kept pushing the boundaries of what I thought was right further and further away.
Until two weeks ago, when I was thrown into the trash can. Then I knew that enough was enough and it was time to just leave.
Yes, abuse is often very subtle and very difficult to recognized and prove. That I know for sure because I lived it. Thank you..
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Allegations made
"He" decided to press charges against me in retaliation and filed a police report saying that I
1. stole the car
2. stole money and
3. broke into his mom house
So this is my reply, first the car was always mine even though it was under his mom's name as he used his mom's credit to finance the car (even his car is under the mom's name) . And it is even covered in the restraining order that I was allowed to use the car.
Secondly, the money I allegedly "stole" happened like end of June and I did not steal it, I told him about it and I even returned to him half the amount...so really.
And breaking into his mom house. Give me a break ! He is staying there so its actually his place, I even have a lease agreement and told the sheriff (the same one who took my police report, the same one who arrested him and is now the same one who he called up to to instigate this !) that what he was doing was only to get back at me and into trouble. His grand scheme is to make sure I get arrested , lose my green card and deported back to Malaysia and also lose my kids. What kind of mental nutcase is this ?? Does he not think that he will make the kids suffer as I am the only parent they know ? Such selfishness amazes me. He just want to be able to strike back at me
O yes, back to the house issue, Sheriff Davenport informed me that since he was living at that house, everything in it is community property. Which is what is his, is mine until divided by court. Ta da... I LOVE CALIFORNIA LAWS..... what a fantastic state.
I later got in touch with Detective Grant after Sheriff Davenport gave and found out that "he" saw him and obviously tried to plead his case.
Its a weird sort of feeling knowing that I am the victim but yet he seems to act more like the victim and I seemed to have done him wrong hhmm,
The case is with the DA now and I am going to get help form the Shelter about turning that misdemeanor charge back into a felony. Since he has kind of declared war on me, I suppose I should stop being nice and just play it right and according to the law and not give him any lee way then.
Wish me luck, hope that my heart stay strong and my brain take charge for once instead.
1. stole the car
2. stole money and
3. broke into his mom house
So this is my reply, first the car was always mine even though it was under his mom's name as he used his mom's credit to finance the car (even his car is under the mom's name) . And it is even covered in the restraining order that I was allowed to use the car.
Secondly, the money I allegedly "stole" happened like end of June and I did not steal it, I told him about it and I even returned to him half the amount...so really.
And breaking into his mom house. Give me a break ! He is staying there so its actually his place, I even have a lease agreement and told the sheriff (the same one who took my police report, the same one who arrested him and is now the same one who he called up to to instigate this !) that what he was doing was only to get back at me and into trouble. His grand scheme is to make sure I get arrested , lose my green card and deported back to Malaysia and also lose my kids. What kind of mental nutcase is this ?? Does he not think that he will make the kids suffer as I am the only parent they know ? Such selfishness amazes me. He just want to be able to strike back at me
O yes, back to the house issue, Sheriff Davenport informed me that since he was living at that house, everything in it is community property. Which is what is his, is mine until divided by court. Ta da... I LOVE CALIFORNIA LAWS..... what a fantastic state.
I later got in touch with Detective Grant after Sheriff Davenport gave and found out that "he" saw him and obviously tried to plead his case.
Its a weird sort of feeling knowing that I am the victim but yet he seems to act more like the victim and I seemed to have done him wrong hhmm,
The case is with the DA now and I am going to get help form the Shelter about turning that misdemeanor charge back into a felony. Since he has kind of declared war on me, I suppose I should stop being nice and just play it right and according to the law and not give him any lee way then.
Wish me luck, hope that my heart stay strong and my brain take charge for once instead.
DV 102
Emergency Restraining Order on 13/8/2010 served and in effect for 5 days
Temporary Restraining Order 18/8/2010 and in effect for 25 days and will go to court on September 8th for get the permanent one (3 to 5 years)
Divorce - served on 20/8/2010 and will wait for him to response within 30 days. But entire process will be completed in 6 months. I cannot leave the state of CA until it is completed
So all in all, I am drowning in legal paperwork and running around getting things done is no joke.
So darn tired..... phew. Thank God for Marjaree Mason Center and Irene Zupko. God Bless them all.
but still can go berenang with the kids every evening after Annie completes her kerja rumah !!
Temporary Restraining Order 18/8/2010 and in effect for 25 days and will go to court on September 8th for get the permanent one (3 to 5 years)
Divorce - served on 20/8/2010 and will wait for him to response within 30 days. But entire process will be completed in 6 months. I cannot leave the state of CA until it is completed
So all in all, I am drowning in legal paperwork and running around getting things done is no joke.
So darn tired..... phew. Thank God for Marjaree Mason Center and Irene Zupko. God Bless them all.
but still can go berenang with the kids every evening after Annie completes her kerja rumah !!
Past bad behaviours
He was very verbally abusive. His manner abrupt and his moods swings unpredictable. One minute it was happy and the next minute a volcanic eruption and I could never figure out what trigger it.
He would claim stress as a major factor and my unwillingness to help him or assist him the way he wanted me to. Well, enough to say that these past 10 years has been the most informative I ever had.
I dont think I have ever cried so much in my entire life and I don't think anyone has thought so less of me and my efforts
To be called stupid, dumb, cunt , mother fucker every single day is actually a chore. To hear them from the one who claims he loves me is even worse. To even believe that he loves me is sick.
Day after day it was the same words , the same anger. I call him the "Happiness Sucker" cause he sure not happy to be around us.
If me and the kids were playing and getting rowdy, he would say that they had no discipline and I was behaving like an idiot. We would walk on eggshells hoping that we would not push his "anger" button and if he did explode, we would leave so that it would not be confrontational.
Things that he had done over the years...
1. Break Children toys
2. Broke my Nikon D80 and Canon G11
3. Made a hole in the bathroom door
4. Broke the bedroom door
5. Broke the lamp/s
6. Kicked us out of the house at midnight
7. Tried choking me
8. Twist my arm
9. Kick my thigh
I might have to update this about the timeline... hhmm let me think about it. I will have to review the videos and photos i got. I must be CLASS one dungu to have endured this all.
What was wrong with me aaaa ?????
Title typo...
I was actually trying to say KAREN gets shit on..but somehow like always, I typo and instead of that , I got Karen get shit one which sounds rather weird huh ?
However, the correct phrasing should have been "Karen gets her shit together " hahahaha...
In dire times like this, a sense of humour is always good to have a around. I cant stand feeling sorry for myself
However, the correct phrasing should have been "Karen gets her shit together " hahahaha...
In dire times like this, a sense of humour is always good to have a around. I cant stand feeling sorry for myself
Gila husband 101 pulak
Chris got charged, got booked and taken to jail for Domestic Violence on Friday the 13th.
The big joke about this is that his family ie mom and nephew expected me to bail him out of jail. They said it was my fault he was in it. Well duh, if he did not commit a crime he would not be in there the first place. I wonder if their brain is sorely lacking in some enzyme, their lack of logic astounds me.
And I had taken enough after all these years already ok !!!!
So they wanted me to post bail for him at 3k on Friday night. I did NOT. He got out that very night. However they still had the guts to send me text messages the next day saying that he was still in jail and needed the money to get him out. And to the person who told me not to do it, a BIG BIG THANK YOU yeah !!!!! I was feeling so guilty over his arrest.
When I told them that he was already out, I was asked if I was sure ????!!! The VINE program for Domestic Violence Victims rocks, they let you know when the agressors are OUT alright.
So tolong sikit man......
The big joke about this is that his family ie mom and nephew expected me to bail him out of jail. They said it was my fault he was in it. Well duh, if he did not commit a crime he would not be in there the first place. I wonder if their brain is sorely lacking in some enzyme, their lack of logic astounds me.
And I had taken enough after all these years already ok !!!!
So they wanted me to post bail for him at 3k on Friday night. I did NOT. He got out that very night. However they still had the guts to send me text messages the next day saying that he was still in jail and needed the money to get him out. And to the person who told me not to do it, a BIG BIG THANK YOU yeah !!!!! I was feeling so guilty over his arrest.
When I told them that he was already out, I was asked if I was sure ????!!! The VINE program for Domestic Violence Victims rocks, they let you know when the agressors are OUT alright.
So tolong sikit man......
POLIS 101 no
ok here is the deal
Chris was suppose to be charged with felony for the trash can incident. However he got charged with a misdemeanor instead. Why ? Because he has a nephew who so called "witnessed" the whole incident.
Eddie was initially there when the argument started. Then the house ringed... and he went in to pick it up and he carried Mei with him. It was his grandmother obviously , I called her up earlier while I was in the truck telling her what her no good son was up too and we got cut off.
So Eddie essentially was not there when the main event happened.
However the boy told the sheriff that his uncle gently put me into the trash can and the bruises were caused by me as I was trying to get out. What a load of first grade crap kan ?
So, the Sheriff bought that wonderful fairy tale and obviously Chris must have smoozed himself as the good guy (huh ? hello ????? I AM THE VICTIM here ok !!!) and Chris only got charged with like a nothing.
makes me wonder why ???? hhhhmmmmm
Chris was suppose to be charged with felony for the trash can incident. However he got charged with a misdemeanor instead. Why ? Because he has a nephew who so called "witnessed" the whole incident.
Eddie was initially there when the argument started. Then the house ringed... and he went in to pick it up and he carried Mei with him. It was his grandmother obviously , I called her up earlier while I was in the truck telling her what her no good son was up too and we got cut off.
So Eddie essentially was not there when the main event happened.
However the boy told the sheriff that his uncle gently put me into the trash can and the bruises were caused by me as I was trying to get out. What a load of first grade crap kan ?
So, the Sheriff bought that wonderful fairy tale and obviously Chris must have smoozed himself as the good guy (huh ? hello ????? I AM THE VICTIM here ok !!!) and Chris only got charged with like a nothing.
makes me wonder why ???? hhhhmmmmm
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
THANKS, thanks and more thanks
I am very very thankful for all the prayers and all the love I feel from far and near. I am eternally grateful for the assistance and help and support I have received. I shall not name names but you know who you are.
Family, Friends....
Without your support and strength and advise, I would not have had the courage to do this. Without your intervention and guidance, I would not have had the guts to charge forth with gumption. without your insights, I would not have seen clearly. Its truly the Lord's way in sending me angels !!!
Thank you for believing in me and thank you for being there..
The road in front of me is long but a whole lot brighter.
Family, Friends....
Without your support and strength and advise, I would not have had the courage to do this. Without your intervention and guidance, I would not have had the guts to charge forth with gumption. without your insights, I would not have seen clearly. Its truly the Lord's way in sending me angels !!!
Thank you for believing in me and thank you for being there..
The road in front of me is long but a whole lot brighter.
Domestic Violence 101
Its been 2 weeks since Chris threw me into the trash can along with Titi. I have since left home, sought help from the shelter, made a police report about the incident and filed for a temporary restraining order. That was the 9th of August.
It has so far been a real traumatic journey not only for me but also for the children. The canker sores that I had from the beginning has not wan off during this entire episode, sticking to me, reminding of the stress I am going through.
And now, I can finally break my silence blogging it away as much as I want as my mom will be here and I can finally tell her myself the nightmare I have been going through. I had to shut my mouth as I didn't want to alarm her and didn't not want her frantic over this unfortunate episode. So as I write this, she is on the plane, thankfully oblivious to the real situation.
I need all the moral support I can garner at this point of time and it will be so comforting to have my mother around wrapping me and surrounding me with positivity and love.
Back to my sad story, it was circa 10.30am when I went into Chris's truck and looked for the camera. Once found, I turned it on only to see pictures and photos of him and some girl taking a vacation together. The obvious course of action for me was to confront him and so I did. What took me by surprise was not him denying anything but to tell me that I was invading his privacy and that I was harassing the girl, and she would get a restraining order on me. Practically, bla, bla and more bla.
He then took the SD card from the camera and shoved the camera to me and went to take his shower. I went back into the truck and pulled out his mac and found a flight itinerary for the girl arriving the very same day and returning to San Marcos, Texas on the 13th. Darn it I was so mad, I didn't even see her name. I think I must have been spewing steam out of my eyes and ears.
When he caught me snooping on his mac, he got even madder and more hostile. I rattled him even more when I asked to speak to her as he kept insisting they were only friends... tahi ayam right ? So as I sat there with my son on my lap playing with the steering wheel, Chris promptly picked me up and straight buang me in the trash can ....
I was yelling help help and help and Titi was screaming and crying. And poor Annie who was trying to help me..got nudge away in the process. My poor children. I got so mad and so angry not at him but at myself.
I was a terrible mom, I had allowed this madness to get to my children and they were getting the brunt of it, Wasn't it enough that they had to hear every slur that came out of his mouth and deal with his mean personality ? I had a choice but they did not. It was time to act and time for me to be a real mom.
I packed the trunk full and went straight to the shelter. They promptly told me to find a safe spot and to return on Thursday to deal with the restraining order. The kids and I slept in a hotel for two nights and we went to Alice house on Wednesday night. Although I knew that Chris was out of town, that house will never be our home anymore. There was no turning back. My system was in shock over the whole ordeal and went to bed that night feeling sore all over. Even Titi was stressed out, tossing and waking up looking for me to comfort him. It was a bad night.
I did not want to file a police report against him as my intentions were not to get him into trouble. But following my emotions only makes me a wimp and I am no wimp, well not any more that is. He needs to know what he did was wrong and that he cannot think that he is above the law. Not only that, I worried about the kick back effect and was afraid of retaliations on his part
However, truth be told the old karen would have have kicked this crappy male to the curb a long time ago . I wonder what took me so long to wake up. I thought it was best for the children but now I realised that whats best for them is to be OUT of this toxic situation and only I could do that for them since they could not themselves.
As in the case of OJ Simpson who was slowly killing Nicole Simpson over time before she finally died. It was the same for me. Only I am still alive and I can make a difference.
It has so far been a real traumatic journey not only for me but also for the children. The canker sores that I had from the beginning has not wan off during this entire episode, sticking to me, reminding of the stress I am going through.
And now, I can finally break my silence blogging it away as much as I want as my mom will be here and I can finally tell her myself the nightmare I have been going through. I had to shut my mouth as I didn't want to alarm her and didn't not want her frantic over this unfortunate episode. So as I write this, she is on the plane, thankfully oblivious to the real situation.
I need all the moral support I can garner at this point of time and it will be so comforting to have my mother around wrapping me and surrounding me with positivity and love.
Back to my sad story, it was circa 10.30am when I went into Chris's truck and looked for the camera. Once found, I turned it on only to see pictures and photos of him and some girl taking a vacation together. The obvious course of action for me was to confront him and so I did. What took me by surprise was not him denying anything but to tell me that I was invading his privacy and that I was harassing the girl, and she would get a restraining order on me. Practically, bla, bla and more bla.
He then took the SD card from the camera and shoved the camera to me and went to take his shower. I went back into the truck and pulled out his mac and found a flight itinerary for the girl arriving the very same day and returning to San Marcos, Texas on the 13th. Darn it I was so mad, I didn't even see her name. I think I must have been spewing steam out of my eyes and ears.
When he caught me snooping on his mac, he got even madder and more hostile. I rattled him even more when I asked to speak to her as he kept insisting they were only friends... tahi ayam right ? So as I sat there with my son on my lap playing with the steering wheel, Chris promptly picked me up and straight buang me in the trash can ....
I was yelling help help and help and Titi was screaming and crying. And poor Annie who was trying to help me..got nudge away in the process. My poor children. I got so mad and so angry not at him but at myself.
I was a terrible mom, I had allowed this madness to get to my children and they were getting the brunt of it, Wasn't it enough that they had to hear every slur that came out of his mouth and deal with his mean personality ? I had a choice but they did not. It was time to act and time for me to be a real mom.
I packed the trunk full and went straight to the shelter. They promptly told me to find a safe spot and to return on Thursday to deal with the restraining order. The kids and I slept in a hotel for two nights and we went to Alice house on Wednesday night. Although I knew that Chris was out of town, that house will never be our home anymore. There was no turning back. My system was in shock over the whole ordeal and went to bed that night feeling sore all over. Even Titi was stressed out, tossing and waking up looking for me to comfort him. It was a bad night.
I did not want to file a police report against him as my intentions were not to get him into trouble. But following my emotions only makes me a wimp and I am no wimp, well not any more that is. He needs to know what he did was wrong and that he cannot think that he is above the law. Not only that, I worried about the kick back effect and was afraid of retaliations on his part
However, truth be told the old karen would have have kicked this crappy male to the curb a long time ago . I wonder what took me so long to wake up. I thought it was best for the children but now I realised that whats best for them is to be OUT of this toxic situation and only I could do that for them since they could not themselves.
As in the case of OJ Simpson who was slowly killing Nicole Simpson over time before she finally died. It was the same for me. Only I am still alive and I can make a difference.
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