Hard BAll

Annie was talking to Grammy Alice when we were staying over there

"You know why we can't go home Grammy ???"
"Cause Tata threw mama into the trash can"
"And now Mama is playing HARD Ball..."

This what Alice told me, which initially made me laugh but eventually made me cry. No six year old should know things like this..

just too sad for words.

How to deal....

I actually wish to extend and olive branch to him but I just don't think he will forgive me for putting him through this experience.  I just wish that I could solve this matter in a peaceful manner , like talk it over and make plans for the kids . But somehow my intuition tells me that I cannot do that as he will see it as a sign of weakness and will try to demolish me in one big swipe. Plus, since I had dare gone against him, to be nice would only give him the chance to walk all over me. As I yo yo back and forth between trying to do good and reigning in my emotions, my logic takes over and tells me that "ahem, wrong move"  or "don's be silly and feel sorry for him" "you need to be strong and don't forget ..."

But I just don't get it why its just so hard to get along for the sake of the children. I wish we could find a nice easy workable solution, one where he stays far away from me and one where he can see the kids if only he is supervised by a third party..now how is that for logic ???

To err is human , to forgive divine

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  Taken from the discussion board on "Ask A Catholic Priest"

  
  

  Violence against women, inside or outside the home, is never justified. Violence in any form -physical, sexual, psychological, or verbal- is sinful; often, it is a crime as well. " (US Catholic Bishops, When I call for Help, 2002.) Thank you Father.
  And unless it leaves marks,abuse could often be subtle and difficult to recognize and prove.

  about an hour ago · Report
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  Karen Yin Chuan Hau My husband started abusing me verbally a long time ago, demeaning me and every single day I was called stupid and dumb. Seriously, my self esteem has take a huge hit . And really, I sometimes doubt my sanity and my choice in making the right decisions. Thank Goodness for the good Catholic neighbors who has been watching out for me and who has been telling me that I was not the one who was in the wrong.
  
  As time went by, things were thrown and my belongings were broken. Before I knew it, he laid his hands on me, He was always very careful, a kick here and hit there. Not very often and sparse . So I really didn't know how to categorized where I was . I made so much allowances to his behavior that I kept pushing the boundaries of what I thought was right further and further away.
  
  Until two weeks ago, when I was thrown into the trash can. Then I knew that enough was enough and it was time to just leave.
  
  Yes, abuse is often very subtle and very difficult to recognized and prove. That I know for sure because I lived it. Thank you..

Allegations made

"He" decided to press charges against me in retaliation and filed a police report saying that I
1. stole the car
2. stole money and
3. broke into his mom house

So this is my reply, first  the car was always mine even though it was under his mom's name as he used his mom's credit to finance the car (even his car is under the mom's name) . And it is even covered in the restraining order that I was allowed to use the car.

Secondly, the money I allegedly "stole" happened like end of June and I did not steal it, I told him about it and I even returned to him half the amount...so really.

And breaking into his mom house. Give me a break ! He is staying there so its actually his place, I even have a lease agreement and told the sheriff (the same one who took my police report, the same one who arrested him and is now the same one who he called up to to instigate this !) that what he was doing was only to get back at me and into trouble. His grand scheme is  to make sure I get arrested , lose my green card and deported back to Malaysia and also lose my kids. What kind of mental nutcase is this ?? Does he not think that he will make the kids suffer as I am the only parent they know ? Such selfishness amazes me. He just want to be able to strike back at me

O yes, back to the house issue, Sheriff Davenport informed me that since he was living at that house, everything in it is community property. Which is what is his, is mine until divided by court. Ta da... I LOVE CALIFORNIA LAWS..... what a fantastic state.

I later got in touch with Detective Grant after Sheriff Davenport gave and found out that "he" saw him and obviously tried to  plead his case.

Its a weird sort of feeling knowing that I am the victim but yet he seems to act more like the victim and I seemed to have done him wrong hhmm,

The case is with the DA now and I am going to get help form the Shelter about turning that misdemeanor charge back into a felony. Since he has kind of declared war on me, I suppose I should stop being nice and just play it right and according to the law and not give him any lee way then.

Wish me luck, hope that my heart stay strong and my brain take charge for once instead.

DV 102

Emergency Restraining Order on 13/8/2010 served  and in effect for 5 days
Temporary Restraining Order 18/8/2010 and in effect for 25 days and will go to court on September 8th for get the permanent one (3 to 5 years)

Divorce - served on 20/8/2010 and will wait for him to response within 30 days. But entire process will be completed in 6 months. I cannot leave the state of CA until it is completed

So all in all, I  am drowning in legal paperwork and running around getting things done is no joke.
So darn tired..... phew. Thank God for Marjaree Mason Center and Irene Zupko. God Bless them all.

but still can go berenang with the kids every evening after Annie completes her kerja rumah !!

Past bad behaviours

He was very verbally abusive. His manner abrupt and his moods swings unpredictable. One minute it was happy and the next  minute a volcanic eruption and I could never figure out what trigger it.

He would claim stress as a major factor and my unwillingness to help him or assist him the way he wanted me to. Well, enough to say that these past 10 years has been the most informative I ever had.

I dont think I have ever cried so much in my entire life and I don't think anyone has thought so less of me and my efforts

To be called stupid, dumb, cunt , mother fucker  every single day is actually a chore. To hear them from the one who claims he loves me is even worse. To even believe that he loves  me is sick. 

Day after day it was the same words , the same anger. I call him the "Happiness Sucker"  cause he sure not happy to be around us.

If me and the kids were playing and getting rowdy, he would say that they had no discipline and I was behaving like an idiot.  We would walk on eggshells hoping that we would not push his "anger" button and if he did explode, we would leave so that it would not be confrontational.

Things that he had done over the years...

1. Break Children toys

2. Broke my Nikon D80 and Canon G11

3. Made a hole in the bathroom door

4. Broke the bedroom door

5. Broke the lamp/s

6. Kicked us out of the house at midnight

7. Tried choking me

8. Twist my arm

9. Kick my thigh

I might have to update this about the timeline... hhmm  let me think about it. I will have to review the videos and photos i got. I must be CLASS one dungu to have endured this all.

What was wrong with me aaaa ?????

Title typo...

I was actually trying to say KAREN gets shit on..but somehow like always, I typo and instead of that , I  got Karen get shit one which sounds rather weird huh ?

However, the correct phrasing should have been  "Karen gets her shit together " hahahaha...

In dire times like this, a sense of humour is always good to have a around. I cant stand feeling sorry for myself