Restraining Order Court Hearing is over.

Today is finally the last day we will go to court and testify. The court ruling will be on Monday 8.45am.

All testimonies and evidence has been given and both parties has said their piece. I am trying to be objective without getting overly emotional as it was a tiring experience. I always seem to start the mornings with a headache and go home with one too, only to sleep and dream about the proceedings and waking up going through the same motion again.

I have a wonderful attorney who is full of spark and energy. She is witty, funny and a big comfort to me. She however made me re-live every single agonising moment of the ordeal and the abusive nature of the relationship. She was very tough on me and I am glad that she did her job well.

I also have an advocate who sits with me through the proceedings from the Marjaree Mason Center. She holds my hands when I have to answer the questions pelted at me. Many a times,  I was questioned about my mental stability because I needed her there. Many a times also, I was questioned if I was obtaining my answers from the advocate.

Let me be clear, the advocate is sent by the center to help DV victims especially when they have to face their aggressor. The victims would feel intimidated and often do not have the courage to voice out or elaborate their answers, thus not giving a true and complete testimony. My advocate was there to remind me to stay calm and to focus on my answers, trying to tell it as truthfully as I could to the best of my ability.

Making my testimony was hard work. Listening to others was harder.

It always is such a juxtaposition in matters like this. I say I was being abuse. He would say I was the abuser. I say he was screaming and yelling at me, he says that it was mutual. I say that he was mean  and abusive to the kids, he says I was meaner and worse. Seems to me no matter what I testified, he said it better and fiercer and most definitely louder than me. If I cried because I remember being tormented by him, he cries even better  because I took the children away form him.  I simply do not know if it was play acting and I won't speculate but I must say I was most impressed with his efforts to demoralise me, to assassinate my character and to  insinuate that I was this mad raging woman who had no control what so ever.

It does pains me to be painted that way but I suppose this comes with the territory when I decided to obtain this restraining order on him. He wanted to settle and obtain mutual restraining order on me and him, I applaud his smart tactics but I must decline. I do not need him near the children without being supervised by a third party. I am afraid he would kidnap the kids and take them to Romania as I heard from a good source that it was the intended plan once he got them unsupervised. I know he would be out for revenge and the only way to hurt me would be through the children. He has already made police report against me and has tried to get me into trouble. He also made threats through my attorney and shouted very loudly at the court hallway that I would never be an American citizen and he would get me into trouble. He also ahem said he would never harm the mother of his children (so why the threats and the menacing persona ?)

He also made claims that he loved his wife and family and would like the court to order us for marriage counselling before anything else.

This to me is preposterous. During our marriage, he made no effort to spend time with his children, I think I could safely say it was 10 minutes a day if any at all and when he was around, it was always in an angry tense environment. The kids and I were on standby to get out of the house once he erupted like one of those live volcanoes. He was not courteous to me. He was not respectful to me nor was he ever considerate to me. In fact, I did once said let's go to counselling but he would not partake in it, stating that the problems in our marriage was on me. So I really have no idea what is going one with this one ..

I do not know how he sees himself as a good father or husband if the only thing he ever did well was providing the finances and nothing else. His main argument all this time was that I took money from him, money that was meant for the bills and that I stole it.  His claims of having no money and not paying the bills is another statement which I find so many holes in it. One minute cakap takde duit, next minute boasting he bought Eddie two new laptops for the ones he had broken. Not just any laptop ok, dua Mac probook alright.. hehehe

Let me elaborate..

Two days ago, Eddie was left at the greyhound bus station and my sis in law went to pick him up . She noticed red marks on his face. Apparently, Eddie got into an argument about the hearing. Apparently Eddie did not want to testify and he was coaching Eddie on what to say, so  he got mad-  hit the boy and broke his laptop too in the process and was sent away. Within 24 hours, the boy was back in town..why ? cause he had to take the stand to testify against me. He has a new laptop now and he came back to pack up the rest of his belongings. I see this as bribery and blackmail but that is just my opinion and no one else. Whether this story is true or not, I cannot verify as it was heresay.

In the end, I left the court  (with my trusty police escort) feeling a little elated that no one needs to take the stand anymore but now I have to start biting my nails, waiting for MONDAY MORNING... the not knowing and the uncertainty is tormenting me. I pray that the judge will see through the lies and look for the truth in case. That is all I ask for and nothing more.

To keep me and my children out of harm's way ! Amen.

Door Close Shut

We were going to sleep. Titi heard  a door shut loudly, he whispers loudly, "Is Tata coming to get us ?"
I said , "No, he isn't,  we are safe" Then Titi said, "Is he walking up the steps ?" I had to say again, "No son, he cant get us cause we are safe ok "

Sad kan..

Empowerment...

Its good to feel good about myself. Its good to know that I am not as stupid as often as I have been called. After taking the stand for two days, I had strangers coming up to me offering me hugs and giving me advice.

But as I sat on the court audience bench and listened to what others had gone through, I felt entitled to my anger, my shame and my regrets

I do feel like somehow I was dead and has been re born again, like a phoenix rising form the ashes you know. And though I made a lot of mistakes over the years, I acknowledge it and hope to move on to better things.  My only dearest wish is to reverse the effects on my children.

Lets hope the restraining order hearing will be over soon...and move on to the other one :P

Court....

I don't know if I can say much about the procedure and I don't think I can discuss it until its over because of the other witnesses. What I can say though is that it started on Wed 8.30am and continued to the day after and Friday too. We are not finished yet, we get back in there on Thursday with me on the witness stand once again.

Its been tiring, emotionally draining and pure mental torture. I am not kidding. Being blasted with questions one after another is simply not my idea of fun. But I suppose as long as I have my eye set on the safety of my kids, I am willing to go through this.

Phew..

The Story so far

Chris has an attorney. Trust him to try to con another woman in to believing his half baked lies and his concocted stories.

But the whopper of the his reply is that  :-

1. I am the ABUSER and he was trying to get away
2. The reason he put me into the trash can was that so he had time to get away
3. I was jealous of his affairs and was kicking and hitting him
4. I got the bruises from trying to climb on him in the car while he was trying to close the door
5. that I called him 27 times to verbally abuse him.. I did call but only to ask what he thought I was suppose to do with him leaving me high and dry treating me and Titi like rubbish.

He is making me feel like a class one idiot and makes me seems crazy.
I dont know if I have the strength to fight this.
Its just killing me that he can twist and manipulate the situation to his advantage.

I am just a wreck...

FYI

Yesterday I met up with an attorney whom I think could take him on. I am fairly certain he would have his own attorney but knowing his outwardly charming manners, I am afraid that everyone would buy into that facade. So, I think that getting myself one would be a good idea since I am not a charmer  and I do not wish to look stupid either.

Today, I spoke with the people at the shelter who told me that the criminal charges against him is now a felony ! Apparently, they called Detective Foster up after talking to me and queried him about it. They also assigned an advocate to go with me on 8th September to court and briefed me on what to expect from the restraining order hearing. 

I am praying that I will be able to calm and composed and not rattled and scared. I pray that I don't feel intimidated  either as I am suppose to sit at the same table with him in front of the judge with some one in between us. The Judge will ask us both questions. So, depending on whether he has an attorney with him, I might ask for a continuance or perhaps he will ask for one. I simply do not know.

My wonderful family and friends will be praying for me and I am eternally grateful to them. God Bless them all.

more from the discussion board.....

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  Its a good distinction to makethat the Catholic Church has never been against divorce for the sake of protecting life, or even for less dire reasons, but rather only against divorce for the sake of remarriage. Divorced Catholics ought to be in no way stigmatize, its only those who remarry that dishonor their sacred promise to love until death.
  
  Karen might be getting a restraining order and civil divorce, but she still must love her husband, even if she never sees him again, for the rest of her life. By abusing her, Karen't husband dishonored his sacred promise to love, and sinned, endangering his immortal soul as well as her happiness. Leaving him is, in fact, part of that love, because in doing so she is preventing him from sinning!

  last Thursday · Report
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  Ask A Catholic Priest We are made to love, even in the face of evil, even in the face of sin, even in the face of heartache and pain. Thats it. Our God who loves us made us to love. The world is what it is because people fail to love. What you have to ask your self is this: is the solution to respond by loving more or less?
  
  Love doesn't mean allowing yourself to get beat up, but it does mean never giving up on someone, even when they hurt you. Its scarey for us to even think about loving like this--thats why Jesus did it first for us from the Cross. The Cross is the standard of our Christian Faith!

  last Thursday · Report
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  Karen Yin Chuan Hau Father, I suppose that is the reason why I had endured all these years because I thought it was God's plan for me to teach him a new way and hope that in love he would change but instead of learning right from wrong, he became a monster always pushing the limit and knowing that I would still just stay.
  
  I agree that I will love him for the rest of my life as he is the father of my children and that only God's grace can help him as i certainly cannot.
  
  And to re-marry or not ? I think as a mother to three beautiful children I am very very wary of the other kind of monsters that lurk out there.
  
  FYI, my husband does not believe in God and we only had a civil marriage and not a church one. So technically speaking was i living in sin then ?? hahah
  
  Only God knows the answer . What say you Father ?

  last Thursday ·
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  Ask A Catholic Priest @ Karen--There can only be a Sacramental Marriage between Christians, so while you should have sought the Bishop's permission to marry your husband one way or the other you would not be bound to him by the indisolubility of the sacrament. This means you are free to marry (in the Church) all you need is to ask for a decree of nullity, which in your case is a formality.
  
  I think it is beautiful that you were trying to save his soul. You probably shouldn't have allowed him to abuse you for so long, but it was truly noble, if not morally necessary, for you to try to make it work for so long. You should still do all you can to love him by praying for him! Thank God for good gifts He gave you through your bad marriage: the strength you learned and for the beautiful children He gave you! And don't be afraid to love again! Just make sure you pray to God about what He wants for your future! God Bless you, I am keeping you and your children in prayer!

  on Friday · Report
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  Karen Yin Chuan Hau THank you Father ..but I am now in a happy place with my children and only hope to be the best mother I can be. Please pray that I am able to care and provide for them and that they will overcome this episode to have a normal happy childhood. I want them to be strong.